My apologies to Lynyrd Skynyrd, although I haven’t exactly forgiven them for writing a song about Alabama when they are from Florida!

My mentor told me when I was a Junior
Come sit beside me, my only one
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It’ll help you some sunny day. Oh Yah!
Oh, take your time… Don’t code too fast,
Wait stats will come and they will pass.
You’ll find an execution plan, you’ll find performance,
And don’t forget Junior,
There is someone up above.

(Chorus)
And be an exceptional, kind of DBA
Oh T-SQL, you will love and understand.
Baby be an exceptional, kind of DBA
Oh, won’t you do this for me Junior,
If you can?

Forget your lust, for the BIG DATA
All that you need, is in your soul,
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try.
All that I want for you my Junior,
Is to be satisfied.

(Chorus)

DBA, don’t you worry… you’ll find TechNet.
Follow the SQL PASS and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my Junior
Is to be satisfied.

(Chorus)

Baby be an exceptional, be an exceptional DBA
Oh T-SQL, you will love and understand.
Baby be an exceptional, kind of DBA