Category Archives: Funhouse

Exceptional DBA, the Song!

My apologies to Lynyrd Skynyrd, although I haven’t exactly forgiven them for writing a song about Alabama when they are from Florida!

My mentor told me when I was a Junior
Come sit beside me, my only one
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It’ll help you some sunny day. Oh Yah!
Oh, take your time… Don’t code too fast,
Wait stats will come and they will pass.
You’ll find an execution plan, you’ll find performance,
And don’t forget Junior,
There is someone up above.

(Chorus)
And be an exceptional, kind of DBA
Oh T-SQL, you will love and understand.
Baby be an exceptional, kind of DBA
Oh, won’t you do this for me Junior,
If you can?

Forget your lust, for the BIG DATA
All that you need, is in your soul,
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try.
All that I want for you my Junior,
Is to be satisfied.

(Chorus)

DBA, don’t you worry… you’ll find TechNet.
Follow the SQL PASS and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my Junior
Is to be satisfied.

(Chorus)

Baby be an exceptional, be an exceptional DBA
Oh T-SQL, you will love and understand.
Baby be an exceptional, kind of DBA

Sunday Funday

Today’s installment of Sunday Funday brings you some fun with T-SQL by Nick Jacobsen, the classic 99 Bottles of Beer T-SQL style.   Enjoy!

Sunday Funday

We continue our Sunday Funday series today with another SQL Song (can you tell yet that all I can think about lately in my free time #SQLKaraoke at this year’s SQL PASS Summit).  In today’s installment of Sunday Funday, we bring you a funny song called 50 Ways to Inject Your SQL.  Enjoy!

Saturdays in the Fall

Saturdays in the Fall mean one thing in the South:  College Football. In case you did not really know, College Football is king in the South.  The South Eastern conference has won the last three national championships including one were both teams were from the SEC.

It is even more surprising because the competition in the SEC is fierce and the teams regularly beat up on each other.  For example, at the beginning of the season, the SEC regularly puts 8-10 teams in the top 25 teams which cannot last because when teams play themselves obviously one of them has to lose.

Today’s match-up is Florida versus Tennessee, which has a strong history the last 25 years in deciding the SEC Eastern division outcome.  Let the Big Gator Growl!  Enjoy!

I Use Math Daily!

My daughter is a senior in high school and she is taking advanced placement statistics which sparks a daily debate in our house.  When will I actually use this in real life?

I use math daily is my usual response.  For example, I use the common math word problem continuously on the road:

The jerk in front of me is driving ten miles under the speed limit and the car in the opposing lane is driving 55 mph.  Based upon my depth perception, she appears to be a half-mile away, at what speed will I have to accelerate to overtake the jerk and not hit oncoming car in a head-on collision.  This is life or death so I would so math is pretty important.

I also look at my dash panel and see how many miles to remaining until I reach an empty gas tank  whereby an advanced word problem calculation occurs:

Given my great american truck gets 17 miles per gallon (come on Prius build a truck that gets 50 mpg for regular sized people to fit in then I will be impressed with your hybrid) and I have 300 miles until empty how many trips to work at 60 miles round trip will I be able to get until I get paid again next Friday?  Which leads to the calculation of how much do I have remaining in my bank account in order to subsidize the sheik’s newest harem?

That does not even include licensing for servers and software which requires a Ph.D. for Microsoft and VMWare, but luckily I do not do that on a daily basis.  So, yes kids math is important unless you want to die in a head-on collision or be stuck on the side of the road without gas. 

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

 

Sunday Funday Returns

Sunday Funday has returned after our month-long series of questions and answers.  In today’s installment of Sunday Funday, we bring you a great SQL song by Rob Lambert as we get ramped up for #SQLKaraoke at this year’s SQL PASS Summit.   Enjoy!

Sunday Funday

Today’s installment of Sunday Funday brings you a great little Tic-Tac-Toe game with T-SQL exercise by Adam Haines found on SQL Server Central.   Enjoy!

Sunday Funday

Today’s installment of Sunday Funday brings you a great little drawing with T-SQL exercise by Roji P. Thomas.   Enjoy!

Sunday Funday

Today’s installment of Sunday Funday is brought to you by the Code Project introducing the spatial datatypes available in SQL Server 2008:  SQL Battleship 2008.  Enjoy!

Time for #GetHawt, Wanna Talk Smack?

If you follow me or the Midnight DBAs on twitter then you may have seen lately a challenge to get healthy not only in time for the PASS Summit but also in time for the rest of your life.  This contest appeals to me, not only because I enjoy getting healthier but because I enjoy talking smack and I would challenge my own mother to a contest if there was a prize.  And there is!

Don’t just take it from me, read about on Jen’s blog, take a look for yourself at the #GetHawt GameOn Challenge.  Come on you wanna do it too and talk smack with me.  Game on!

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